I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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