White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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