the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the day after is always just damage control
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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