Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
