i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
