there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
