Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
