bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
