sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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