Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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