Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
