Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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