My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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