apparently the secret to your success is patron
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
