Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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