i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
