Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
