Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
