we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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