I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
