Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
