I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
