Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
