Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize