she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
