i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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