So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
