he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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