Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
