We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you never un-have a 4some
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
