you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
