She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
