you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
