Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
