I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
