Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
