My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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