I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
