I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
