I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
