My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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