tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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