Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dick very happy bro
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
