So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
