I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
