I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The beer is more important than you right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
