I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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