Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
