you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
