I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Randomize
