Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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