you traded sex for a burrito?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
