we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
