We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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