Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize