well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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