you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
