OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
